When I was in college, taking up my Sociology subject, we have been taught on the different Sociological Perspective. I didn't like the Perspective of Conflict that causes change in the society, but eventually, I appreciated it. Power Struggles and radicalism made me wonder, yet had a sense of adventure and pride how you can win over a struggle.
While I'm thinking that conflict fun, in reality when not handled with wisdom and maturity, it is like throwing each other grenade and both parties end up devastated.
It is said that feelings and emotion are neutral. It is neither good nor bad, but the response made due to feelings will determine whether the actions and motives behind are justifiable.
Here in the Philippines, we have a lot to learn in handling conflicts. I wish those who mastered the art of being open, patient and winning back relationship in conflicts would speak up. I have so much to learn.
Based upon the course on relationship I took for my Masters, in handling conflicts, there are 2 goals, you may want to win over the relationship back, or still push through or assert your goal. Or, the two polarities can be met in a compromise.
In my family background, mother is always the one who do the discipline to her children. Father is there but is not involved on the discipline process. What I got from that set up was, we are being punished and we experienced the fury of our mother for the improper things that we do and for disobeying them. I didn't see the element of love during those times. Thus, what I experienced, I subconsciously expressed to the rest of my siblings, if not, to the other persons I am in conflict with. Since I don't go physical, the motives behind the words that crushed my heart are also the same motives I do every time I confront. No GRACE.
I would be in conflict for the reason of people violating my values. When I am not understood, fury is all the more accumulated and eventually will explode to deadly words that would wreck a relationship.
Also, when I am hurt and is not being acknowledged, it is painful. I don't need rationalization. I need people who can receive my mess and willing to journey with me. Emotions are just emotions.
Funny how people retaliate for in fact the way to subside the issue is to just say "SORRY" AND MEAN it. Sorry-in the context of saying, "I have hurt your feelings, I want the relationship back. I'm sorry." not to be Sorry to appease the person, and dropping the whole issue. People would retaliate in questioning the person in conflict with, or even say slander to the other party.
Sometimes, I want to bring the conflict to a boxing or wrestling, just to unload the negative feelings without killing the person by words. "Suntukan na lang" would appease the hurt and the person refusing to say Sorry. After which, all will be OK. Physical aggression has been done.
But I believe if two persons' anger have subsided, and is willing to listen to one another and the Holy Spirit, the love would be sweeter the second time around. It is glorious... This will only happen if both parties are willing.
I am yet to discover the art of peaceful conflict. But I am learning the art of letting Go. Forgiving others. Forgiving myself. Life is not all about me. Maybe their purpose is just to bring out the monster in me that I need to surrender to the cross. Nobody wants to disclose their real selves. Rare gems are the persons who can receive me. My beauty, ugliness and all.
