Affirmation

Lord, in times like this, thanks for keeping me sane and for providing people who uphold me in prayer and support. Thank you for showering your grace and mercies to them that they are real vessels of your love towards me. Bless them abundantly.

Jun-Numeriano- thanks for keeping me sane. Thanks for the Reality Check once in a while. Thanks for your sisterly love. I really appreciate it.May God continue to grant the desires of your heart.

Sherry- Thanks for helping me to realize things that I keep on denying. And for helping me to realize that my Big Dream can only be done in God’s time. Thanks for reminding me that my timetable is not God’s timetable. I love you sis. I am giving you the right to rebuke me.

Ate Jo- thanks for your prayers and your understanding smile that keeps me go one with my walk with Christ. Just like Sherry, I’m giving you the right, by all means, to correct me, rebuke me and make me return to my senses. Love you ate.

Ate Mildred- Thank you very much for your life. I respect you, I admire your passion to make a change in your community. Just like you, It is also my prayer to make an impact to the place where God place me.

Ate Grace- you know my mischief but still accept me as I am. You are a real woman of God. I love you.

Ate Gerlen and Kuya Nono- Your love life inspires me and gives me hope that someday, the Lord has someone for me, with the same passion and calling for Him. Just have to wait. hahahah…also, thanks for your trust,support and understanding. I love you both.

Pastor Rex- I really see Jesus Christ in you. Thank you.

People hurt you, but there are still people who keeps you to focus to the right direction JESUS. Thank you Lord for placing them in my life. I hope and pray for people who will come in my life that I could consider them as my precious jems.

Quiet time

I just finished my Quiet Time. The Lord is very timely in His message for me. It is all about Unity in the Body of Christ. In Ephesians 4: 1-16
The verses that really spoke to me was… “ Live a Life worthy of the calling you have received.” I was so radical these days. My heart is very antagonistic of the reality I was seeing in my environment. I cannot balance things and what I ought to feel.
My dream is too Big for me, my hopes are Big for me. Way too idealistic. But I don’t care. Much to my ideals, I need somebody who I could share my real self and be what I can be. I can’t stay long to a place where I cannot connect. So that’s why I’m hoping and praying that when I get a job, it is a conducive place for healthy relationship. There can be times of misunderstanding, but you know for sure that people would accept you for who you are and would be supportive.
“ Live a Life worthy of the calling you have received.” Thank God for this message. I forgot about this. To live out my life worthy of God’s calling. I was down with disappointments in life that I forgot that God has called me for something.
Just when the time I feel that I’m over, the Lord has his way of communicating with me. He is like telling me, “ My child, there is a bigger picture than you think…”
I’m not giving up my dreams. Maybe, it is not yet time…but even if my dreams won’t come true, I have my God who knows my heart and is sovereign of what will happen to my life. And besides, I’m waiting for the time that I could see Jesus’ smile on his face and say, “Well done, my good and faithful servant.”
I don’t know what will happen to me. May it be for the best or for the worst, may God’s name be praised.

Cry

I just cried. Sometimes for the Lord Jesus to work in our lives, we need to shed a tear. I haven’t read the book, “Where is God when it Hurts”. But I bet it will help me a lot. Crying my heart out together with my friend in CICF is a great relief. I am not ashamed to cry. I long to cry for weeks.
I just forgot to cry. I was hurting then. People hurt me. But then I forgot to cry. I refused to cry, but it turned out that it even made me more callous and more hurting. Crying yesterday in CICF office and sharing my heart taught me that crying is releasing of burden and making the Lord Jesus Christ in charge of my burden…I forgot that his burden for me is light… I’m just making things complicated.

Dear God,
You know I still hurt. But I’m so sorry I forgot to cry. I’m sorry if I see the barriers than looking up to you. I’m weak Lord. Sometimes I’m ashamed of my self and the people around me who confess to love you but are still complacent. You don’t deserve me. Yet why do you still reach out? Your Holiness I cant bear. But you are telling me to look to your Graciousness. Yes Lord, we do not deserve you because we are filthy because of sin. Our righteousness is like filthy rags. But thank you for your love, through Jesus Christ, we can humbly come before your throne.
Teach us o Lord…make us fall in love with you more. Consume me with your love. Give me grace I could share it to others, fill me… make me a channel of blessing. You alone God… help me to surrender my life to you everyday. That I should not do things on my own. But Yours o Lord. Thank you for teaching me. Continue to change me from glory to glory, Lord, renew me. I love you…

In Jesus Name,
Amen

Delinquent

I am delinquent church-goer this past 2 months. I hurt my nanay, our Pastor asked me what seems to be the problem, and ate Gerlen set me a date and asked me how am I doing. It seems that I was not able to balance my ministry, even my head and heart.
For whatever my reason (though I have lots of it), I saw how vulnerable I am. I’m sorry. I’m sorry coz I’m not perfect. I almost hate myself. I feel I’m finished. My God is a great God but I can’t bear his goodness that he showers to me that I do not deserve. I know it’s a lie. But it is what I feel right now.
I came to identify my weaknesses. I have some people to blame why I am like this, but it is no use. I am what I become and in one way or another it’s my choice I let them. I don’t know how to communicate. I have this passion, but people can’t just seem to understand.
In comparison with my sister, she’s very good at communicating she gets what she wants from people.
I find it difficult to communicate. Many times I experienced rejection, dominated and ridiculed. That’s why I always choose to shut up rather than to speak up. I would rather to write my thoughts in my prayer journal than to express to the world my feelings. Besides, I know God is there the Only One who really cares. And I thank my true friends who are always there to listen, but sometimes, I am also hesitant to share them my struggles, coz for them to bear my problem is too much for them.
Yes, I’m delinquent in the eyes of the people. I am living in a world where everybody looks at me and just don’t understand. I don’t blame them. We are living in a world where defying the norms seems to be a great disgrace.
Church for me is a group of people who is redeemed by God’s grace. Thank God for the place we can conduct worship, but sometimes if the place and over familiarity of believers sinks into the “Church” how rotten it will be! I hate institutions! I hate complacency! I hate when everybody seems not to care, I hate myself. I believe in the Church, that those who have personal relationship with the Lord Jesus Christ belongs to a universal Church. Not the building itself, but the genuine fellowship. But sometimes we fall short of what Christ has commanded of us. To make disciples…in my 13 years of Sunday-life in church, I can only count in my fingers the number of people the “church has really made disciple.
I sound subversive. Hmm… I don’t know, maybe it is just the “weak” me seeing the hurtful realities in this world. I need Jesus.
I don’t know, as of now, I don’t want to leave the youth ministry, but I’m just away to save the joy in my heart…once it is gone, it’s gone. I don’t want to be a living dead. I am delinquent. Please understand me, but I don’t blame you if you would confront me. I just wish, I could talk to you in that time.
My greatest fear is to become the person I hated the most.

I'm Touched...Ü

I thank God for the simple things He has given me. I don't deserve this affirmation,it is His image that people see in me. but i would like to thank you Roselle for this wonderful poem.*grabe!!!kinikilig ako!* A poem just made for you is really something. I really felt special.

A God-Sent Angel

I Know a girl who's very nice

I can tell it just by looking at her eyes

She gives me comfort and the strength i need

to overcome my unpleasant deed

She let me reminds of a special someone

And wants me to deeply know of this exceptional man

You may wonder who's I'm talking about...

He's our Saviour and my friend(Jesus)...someone I could count

She is a very extra ordinary person

For me, she is a very precious stone

Just stay happy and gay

And that you will continuously pray

aww... I also receive a love letter from Bench...you sweet little girl,continue to shine for Jesus.

Dear Lord,

Thank you for the gift of friendship. Thank you for the lives of the people you place in my life. They are so special Lord.You know their hearts. continue to bless them...and make them the person you want them to be. Let us continue to love you more and more each day. And may we continue to be a vessel of blessings to other people.Praise you Lord for their lives. thank you....

I Know What to Expect: Not to Expect Anymore

Yey! ambiguities in my head are gone...I don't have to expect anything. and that calls for a celebration!!!Coz I know God clears things for me, to only expect things from Him. He spares me to experience unecessary hurts. I'm free!!!weeeee....Ü

Thank You

Hmm...I didn't posted last September 7. I was overwhelmed of what the Lord has blessed me with. Friends.
My birthday was a solemn celebration. Nanay and i had a date at Yellow cab...hehehe Just for food trip. But i really appreciate our chit chat. And what made my day complete? emails,sms messages from friends and KC mates. I really see how the Lord blessed me with true friends. Some i haven't seen for a long time yet they remembered my special day. I really see Jesus Christ on how they greet me and it seems that the Lord is telling me, "my Child, I love You. they are my gifts for you..." Amazing... Thanks friends. The Lord bless you abundantly. Again, I want to thank you for the gift of friendship. I love you all...

Birthday Wish...

haaayyy...1 day to go,this is what i call, birthday blues.(Maybe i just can't accept that i'm getting older.)
Here are my Birthday wishes... i Don't expect it will come to pass, but just for the thrill of it, no harm in wishing...

1. I Hope Mushroom would greet me...
2. would receive a gift cheque or enough money so that i could shop for books! books! books!
3. i would have the chance to go out of town, spending my birthday with God alone.
4. receiving letters from friends would be great!and would complete my day.
5. My sister would get to her senses and go back to normal.
6. My brother would get better.
7. Nanay would understand the choices that i will make. That will not make me a lesser Christian.
8. My Youth group would continue to grow spiritually,would really stand for the truth, Hate what is evil,and would really desire to reach out for others.
9. Tatay would cook for me rellenong Bangus and make spicy vinegar...yumyum! I really missed him.
10. we are now in a family crisis, i just hope when Tatay's home, we could take family pictures with genuine smiles in our faces. I love my family.

there...but there's a lot more...

Precious Moments

It has been a long tiring day. But I was so blessed. Early this morning mg class in Environment and Society went to an Ecological Farm in Mendez in Tagaytay. It's a place to be for those who desire serenity and relaxation. After walking and checking around the place, I make the most out of the opprtunity to INHALE FRESH AIR FROM THE PLACE. Also, I got the chance to take the nap.

T he best part for me was the time we are travelling going to the said place. I got the chance to marvel God's creation while the bus is on its way. The green scenery of wild trees,coconut trees and alike releases all my worries. and stresses i had weeks before. Again, the Lord is faithful to me, i remembered monday last week that i desire to have a retreat. This is the day the Lord has made for me! And Who He is made me confident that i have a BIG GOD bigger than my problems and personal struggles.

Then it was about 1pm when we left the ecological farm. By 3:30 we were already in Manila. then i was off to go to Cainta for our KC "Informal" reunion. We went to Karl's(KC Mate) place to visit his father. we bought fruits and cake.

It was a celebration of life. Karl's father has cancer. But what encourages us is their heart and decision to stand firm in God and choosing to obey His will. They are not bitter of what is happening in their lives. Tito Jonathan(Karl's father) sat with us, and he played the guitar with worship songs he composed...yes. I call it precious Moments. Precious moments, because those are the songs we heard for the first time,and that the song has "different stories" to tell about its owner.Ljay brought bongos and egg shaker...but we forgot to bring "recorder". But it was fun jamming together, worshipping God with new songs.

Afterwhich, we had dinner fellowship, laughed and fooled around and reminiscing...hehehe...yeah, reminiscing our mischiefs in our Kawayan Camp.(KC)

Then, it was already late. we were 7 NCR KCmates who are enjoying our time together,before we go, we prayed for the 7 regions in the Philippines who will have their own LCDC camp.It is good to pray for them and knowing that we were praying for one another.

All in all, i was really blessed. there are moments we should cherish. I cherish the fresh air i inhaled from the Ecological farm, i cherish seeing the green scenery while we were travelling, i cherish my time being with friends in Christ, and most of all i cherish the time when i got the chance to hear Worship songs from a humble person who trusts in the Lord.

In Him (Jesus) We Live and Move and Have our Being...i Praise God for these life's simple pleasures yet for free...

Friends..

Friends!hah! i can't believe there are people you care for and will only throw away years of "friendship" just like that. and i can't believe i'm like this. i am used to being "rejected" all my life...who cares! i will be hurt over and over again...but i guess it's all worth it if this is what it takes that i would be a stonger person. we have our own share of ups and downs...I guess, it hurts.

SR...

Spiritual Retreat...or SR. I din't go to church today. I need to spend time with my Lord Jesus Christ. ministry in church is a great priviledge to serve God, yet when I myself is empty, how can I minister? I am broken...seeing my brother's situation hurts me a lot. And i am being harsh to myself these days. But i know in my heart the Lord is faithful. He will see us through these challenges. I love my Lord. I just need to re-align things i need to do...I don't wanna be like this. I want to grow...