I am delinquent church-goer this past 2 months. I hurt my nanay, our Pastor asked me what seems to be the problem, and ate Gerlen set me a date and asked me how am I doing. It seems that I was not able to balance my ministry, even my head and heart.
For whatever my reason (though I have lots of it), I saw how vulnerable I am. I’m sorry. I’m sorry coz I’m not perfect. I almost hate myself. I feel I’m finished. My God is a great God but I can’t bear his goodness that he showers to me that I do not deserve. I know it’s a lie. But it is what I feel right now.
I came to identify my weaknesses. I have some people to blame why I am like this, but it is no use. I am what I become and in one way or another it’s my choice I let them. I don’t know how to communicate. I have this passion, but people can’t just seem to understand.
In comparison with my sister, she’s very good at communicating she gets what she wants from people.
I find it difficult to communicate. Many times I experienced rejection, dominated and ridiculed. That’s why I always choose to shut up rather than to speak up. I would rather to write my thoughts in my prayer journal than to express to the world my feelings. Besides, I know God is there the Only One who really cares. And I thank my true friends who are always there to listen, but sometimes, I am also hesitant to share them my struggles, coz for them to bear my problem is too much for them.
Yes, I’m delinquent in the eyes of the people. I am living in a world where everybody looks at me and just don’t understand. I don’t blame them. We are living in a world where defying the norms seems to be a great disgrace.
Church for me is a group of people who is redeemed by God’s grace. Thank God for the place we can conduct worship, but sometimes if the place and over familiarity of believers sinks into the “Church” how rotten it will be! I hate institutions! I hate complacency! I hate when everybody seems not to care, I hate myself. I believe in the Church, that those who have personal relationship with the Lord Jesus Christ belongs to a universal Church. Not the building itself, but the genuine fellowship. But sometimes we fall short of what Christ has commanded of us. To make disciples…in my 13 years of Sunday-life in church, I can only count in my fingers the number of people the “church has really made disciple.
I sound subversive. Hmm… I don’t know, maybe it is just the “weak” me seeing the hurtful realities in this world. I need Jesus.
I don’t know, as of now, I don’t want to leave the youth ministry, but I’m just away to save the joy in my heart…once it is gone, it’s gone. I don’t want to be a living dead. I am delinquent. Please understand me, but I don’t blame you if you would confront me. I just wish, I could talk to you in that time.
My greatest fear is to become the person I hated the most.
For whatever my reason (though I have lots of it), I saw how vulnerable I am. I’m sorry. I’m sorry coz I’m not perfect. I almost hate myself. I feel I’m finished. My God is a great God but I can’t bear his goodness that he showers to me that I do not deserve. I know it’s a lie. But it is what I feel right now.
I came to identify my weaknesses. I have some people to blame why I am like this, but it is no use. I am what I become and in one way or another it’s my choice I let them. I don’t know how to communicate. I have this passion, but people can’t just seem to understand.
In comparison with my sister, she’s very good at communicating she gets what she wants from people.
I find it difficult to communicate. Many times I experienced rejection, dominated and ridiculed. That’s why I always choose to shut up rather than to speak up. I would rather to write my thoughts in my prayer journal than to express to the world my feelings. Besides, I know God is there the Only One who really cares. And I thank my true friends who are always there to listen, but sometimes, I am also hesitant to share them my struggles, coz for them to bear my problem is too much for them.
Yes, I’m delinquent in the eyes of the people. I am living in a world where everybody looks at me and just don’t understand. I don’t blame them. We are living in a world where defying the norms seems to be a great disgrace.
Church for me is a group of people who is redeemed by God’s grace. Thank God for the place we can conduct worship, but sometimes if the place and over familiarity of believers sinks into the “Church” how rotten it will be! I hate institutions! I hate complacency! I hate when everybody seems not to care, I hate myself. I believe in the Church, that those who have personal relationship with the Lord Jesus Christ belongs to a universal Church. Not the building itself, but the genuine fellowship. But sometimes we fall short of what Christ has commanded of us. To make disciples…in my 13 years of Sunday-life in church, I can only count in my fingers the number of people the “church has really made disciple.
I sound subversive. Hmm… I don’t know, maybe it is just the “weak” me seeing the hurtful realities in this world. I need Jesus.
I don’t know, as of now, I don’t want to leave the youth ministry, but I’m just away to save the joy in my heart…once it is gone, it’s gone. I don’t want to be a living dead. I am delinquent. Please understand me, but I don’t blame you if you would confront me. I just wish, I could talk to you in that time.
My greatest fear is to become the person I hated the most.
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