Cry

I just cried. Sometimes for the Lord Jesus to work in our lives, we need to shed a tear. I haven’t read the book, “Where is God when it Hurts”. But I bet it will help me a lot. Crying my heart out together with my friend in CICF is a great relief. I am not ashamed to cry. I long to cry for weeks.
I just forgot to cry. I was hurting then. People hurt me. But then I forgot to cry. I refused to cry, but it turned out that it even made me more callous and more hurting. Crying yesterday in CICF office and sharing my heart taught me that crying is releasing of burden and making the Lord Jesus Christ in charge of my burden…I forgot that his burden for me is light… I’m just making things complicated.

Dear God,
You know I still hurt. But I’m so sorry I forgot to cry. I’m sorry if I see the barriers than looking up to you. I’m weak Lord. Sometimes I’m ashamed of my self and the people around me who confess to love you but are still complacent. You don’t deserve me. Yet why do you still reach out? Your Holiness I cant bear. But you are telling me to look to your Graciousness. Yes Lord, we do not deserve you because we are filthy because of sin. Our righteousness is like filthy rags. But thank you for your love, through Jesus Christ, we can humbly come before your throne.
Teach us o Lord…make us fall in love with you more. Consume me with your love. Give me grace I could share it to others, fill me… make me a channel of blessing. You alone God… help me to surrender my life to you everyday. That I should not do things on my own. But Yours o Lord. Thank you for teaching me. Continue to change me from glory to glory, Lord, renew me. I love you…

In Jesus Name,
Amen

Delinquent

I am delinquent church-goer this past 2 months. I hurt my nanay, our Pastor asked me what seems to be the problem, and ate Gerlen set me a date and asked me how am I doing. It seems that I was not able to balance my ministry, even my head and heart.
For whatever my reason (though I have lots of it), I saw how vulnerable I am. I’m sorry. I’m sorry coz I’m not perfect. I almost hate myself. I feel I’m finished. My God is a great God but I can’t bear his goodness that he showers to me that I do not deserve. I know it’s a lie. But it is what I feel right now.
I came to identify my weaknesses. I have some people to blame why I am like this, but it is no use. I am what I become and in one way or another it’s my choice I let them. I don’t know how to communicate. I have this passion, but people can’t just seem to understand.
In comparison with my sister, she’s very good at communicating she gets what she wants from people.
I find it difficult to communicate. Many times I experienced rejection, dominated and ridiculed. That’s why I always choose to shut up rather than to speak up. I would rather to write my thoughts in my prayer journal than to express to the world my feelings. Besides, I know God is there the Only One who really cares. And I thank my true friends who are always there to listen, but sometimes, I am also hesitant to share them my struggles, coz for them to bear my problem is too much for them.
Yes, I’m delinquent in the eyes of the people. I am living in a world where everybody looks at me and just don’t understand. I don’t blame them. We are living in a world where defying the norms seems to be a great disgrace.
Church for me is a group of people who is redeemed by God’s grace. Thank God for the place we can conduct worship, but sometimes if the place and over familiarity of believers sinks into the “Church” how rotten it will be! I hate institutions! I hate complacency! I hate when everybody seems not to care, I hate myself. I believe in the Church, that those who have personal relationship with the Lord Jesus Christ belongs to a universal Church. Not the building itself, but the genuine fellowship. But sometimes we fall short of what Christ has commanded of us. To make disciples…in my 13 years of Sunday-life in church, I can only count in my fingers the number of people the “church has really made disciple.
I sound subversive. Hmm… I don’t know, maybe it is just the “weak” me seeing the hurtful realities in this world. I need Jesus.
I don’t know, as of now, I don’t want to leave the youth ministry, but I’m just away to save the joy in my heart…once it is gone, it’s gone. I don’t want to be a living dead. I am delinquent. Please understand me, but I don’t blame you if you would confront me. I just wish, I could talk to you in that time.
My greatest fear is to become the person I hated the most.

I'm Touched...Ü

I thank God for the simple things He has given me. I don't deserve this affirmation,it is His image that people see in me. but i would like to thank you Roselle for this wonderful poem.*grabe!!!kinikilig ako!* A poem just made for you is really something. I really felt special.

A God-Sent Angel

I Know a girl who's very nice

I can tell it just by looking at her eyes

She gives me comfort and the strength i need

to overcome my unpleasant deed

She let me reminds of a special someone

And wants me to deeply know of this exceptional man

You may wonder who's I'm talking about...

He's our Saviour and my friend(Jesus)...someone I could count

She is a very extra ordinary person

For me, she is a very precious stone

Just stay happy and gay

And that you will continuously pray

aww... I also receive a love letter from Bench...you sweet little girl,continue to shine for Jesus.

Dear Lord,

Thank you for the gift of friendship. Thank you for the lives of the people you place in my life. They are so special Lord.You know their hearts. continue to bless them...and make them the person you want them to be. Let us continue to love you more and more each day. And may we continue to be a vessel of blessings to other people.Praise you Lord for their lives. thank you....

I Know What to Expect: Not to Expect Anymore

Yey! ambiguities in my head are gone...I don't have to expect anything. and that calls for a celebration!!!Coz I know God clears things for me, to only expect things from Him. He spares me to experience unecessary hurts. I'm free!!!weeeee....Ü

Thank You

Hmm...I didn't posted last September 7. I was overwhelmed of what the Lord has blessed me with. Friends.
My birthday was a solemn celebration. Nanay and i had a date at Yellow cab...hehehe Just for food trip. But i really appreciate our chit chat. And what made my day complete? emails,sms messages from friends and KC mates. I really see how the Lord blessed me with true friends. Some i haven't seen for a long time yet they remembered my special day. I really see Jesus Christ on how they greet me and it seems that the Lord is telling me, "my Child, I love You. they are my gifts for you..." Amazing... Thanks friends. The Lord bless you abundantly. Again, I want to thank you for the gift of friendship. I love you all...

Birthday Wish...

haaayyy...1 day to go,this is what i call, birthday blues.(Maybe i just can't accept that i'm getting older.)
Here are my Birthday wishes... i Don't expect it will come to pass, but just for the thrill of it, no harm in wishing...

1. I Hope Mushroom would greet me...
2. would receive a gift cheque or enough money so that i could shop for books! books! books!
3. i would have the chance to go out of town, spending my birthday with God alone.
4. receiving letters from friends would be great!and would complete my day.
5. My sister would get to her senses and go back to normal.
6. My brother would get better.
7. Nanay would understand the choices that i will make. That will not make me a lesser Christian.
8. My Youth group would continue to grow spiritually,would really stand for the truth, Hate what is evil,and would really desire to reach out for others.
9. Tatay would cook for me rellenong Bangus and make spicy vinegar...yumyum! I really missed him.
10. we are now in a family crisis, i just hope when Tatay's home, we could take family pictures with genuine smiles in our faces. I love my family.

there...but there's a lot more...