Elusive Me

         I think, I am the most elusive person in campus.  Unlike other students who wants to belong to a group, or students having the charisma eventually being popular in school, I don't mind going to school, listening to the professors, speaking my mind, small chit-chats and go home. I will not defend myself. I might be judged in this post. But like my consistent behavior, I really don't mind.

  

            I had my shares of being left-out. Maybe with the mixture of my temperament that I am melancholic and partly phlegmatic and introverted, I don't argue and assert myself. I thought I relayed what I want to say, but in the end, it is just all in my head. Nothing's changed. I am still left out. I don't know if I developed the defense of just minding my own business and I don't mind.

           I am not the life of the crowd. I am lucky whenever I end up in a fun group. But if a group would expect an entertainment from me, I can just offer them free counseling sessions-- heart to heart sessions. LOL! But I know by God's grace I had developed heart-level friendships.

            Last May, I was invited to a road trip to tour Ilocos Norte and Ilocos Sur by a group of friends from my school. I am happy they invited me. Thank God for the budget provided for that trip. It was a economic-friendly tour. My schoolmate has a van and she brought with her her house! er, kitchen. We ate home cooked meals on the road. We enjoyed the beach and site-seeing.

            I really appreciate their gesture of remembering me. Just to be invited is an honor. It's an unspoken message to me that I am valued and loved.

            I believe these people in school, though they seldom see me lately, I know that they care for me. I am elusive in a sense that I find it difficult to start a conversation. Once I feel that I am welcome, thank you. But just for the sake of chit-chat, It's ok. To go out of their way to invite me speaks a lot.

         I am elusive maybe because I can't stay in one place. Haha! I love travelling. Thank God for opportunities to travel and observe the created order. I can't bear spending hours in the library. I just borrow books, photocopy chapters and I am off to a beautiful cozy spot where I could read with no pressure looking at the "do not disturb me" faces of my schoolmates.

             I am elusive because I love my passion! I am chasing and pursuing what makes me alive. I love to learn. But I have my learning style. I incubate a lot. I believe that learning should not be terrorizing.

              I am elusive but when I feel home, I am home in a group or a person. I am free to be  me and I am willing to speak when I know my heart is safe to bare. I am me.

              I am elusive to people I guess doesn't need me (again, this is not an issue- I don't mind). But when I am in a community where I need to serve, I go out of my way to help and communicate. 

              I just find it funny when I feel that people judge me and find me weird. I am. I appreciate when they get out of their way to ask me. I'll answer. I am not arrogant to pissed them off. I am me and I can't change how I am wired to think, feel and act.

              I'm elusive. In my campus.

              Did I say it's a seminary? LOL.

              Thanks for reading!