The Horrors of Conflict

When I was in college, taking up my Sociology subject, we have been taught on the different Sociological Perspective. I didn't like the Perspective of Conflict that causes change in the society, but eventually, I appreciated it. Power Struggles and radicalism made me wonder, yet had a sense of adventure and pride how you can win over a struggle.

While I'm thinking that conflict fun, in reality when not handled with wisdom and maturity, it is like throwing each other grenade and both parties end up devastated.

It is said that feelings and emotion are neutral. It is neither good nor bad, but the response made due to feelings will determine whether the actions and motives behind are justifiable.

Here in the Philippines, we have a lot to learn in handling conflicts. I wish those who mastered the art of being open, patient and winning back relationship in conflicts would speak up. I have so much to learn.

Based upon the course on relationship I took for my Masters, in handling conflicts, there are 2 goals, you may want to win over the relationship back, or still push through or assert your goal. Or, the two polarities can be met in a compromise.

In my family background, mother is always the one who do the discipline to her children. Father is there but is not involved on the discipline process. What I got from that set up was, we are being punished and we experienced the fury of our mother for the improper things that we do and for disobeying them. I didn't see the element of love during those times. Thus, what I experienced, I subconsciously expressed to the rest of my siblings, if not, to the other persons I am in conflict with. Since I don't go physical, the motives behind the words that crushed my heart are also the same motives I do every time I confront. No GRACE.

I would be in conflict for the reason of people violating my values. When I am not understood, fury is all the more accumulated and eventually will explode to deadly words that would wreck a relationship.

Also, when I am hurt and is not being acknowledged, it is painful. I don't need rationalization. I need people who can receive my mess and willing to journey with me. Emotions are just emotions.

Funny how people retaliate for in fact the way to subside the issue is to just say "SORRY" AND MEAN it. Sorry-in the context of saying, "I have hurt your feelings, I want the relationship back. I'm sorry." not to be Sorry to appease the person, and dropping the whole issue. People would retaliate in questioning the person in conflict with, or even say slander to the other party.

Sometimes, I want to bring the conflict to a boxing or wrestling, just to unload the negative feelings without killing the person by words. "Suntukan na lang" would appease the hurt and the person refusing to say Sorry. After which, all will be OK. Physical aggression has been done.

But I believe if two persons' anger have subsided, and is willing to listen to one another and the Holy Spirit, the love would be sweeter the second time around. It is glorious... This will only happen if both parties are willing.

I am yet to discover the art of peaceful conflict. But I am learning the art of letting Go. Forgiving others. Forgiving myself. Life is not all about me. Maybe their purpose is just to bring out the monster in me that I need to surrender to the cross. Nobody wants to disclose their real selves. Rare gems are the persons who can receive me. My beauty, ugliness and all.

Blessed 2012

Blessing everyone this 2012!!! I would like to thank my dear friend Ms. Josephine Sanchez for slowly and intricately re-designing my nook. Wishing again to unleash inspirations and thoughts from my heart and hope to encourage, challenge and inspire people who would read my posts.

I started the year at the mountains. Together with guy friends and a heart sister, we marvelled, enjoyed walking on the mud in the Rice Terraces of Ifugao. Child in us were released as we enjoy the beauty of God's creation during that long weekend holiday and New Year celebration.

As I prepare our New Year devotion, I asked the Lord what to share.

Deep in my heart, it was impressed upon me the joy and confidence on being a child of God.

¹⁴ For those who are led by the Spirit of God are the children of God. ¹⁵ The Spirit you received does not make you slaves, so that you live in fear again; rather, the Spirit you received brought about your adoption to sonship. And by him we cry,“Abba ,Father.” ¹⁶The Spirit himself testifies with our spirit that we are God’s children.¹⁷ Now if we are children, then we are heirs—heirs of God and co-heirs with Christ, if indeed we share in his sufferings in order that we may also share in his glory. -Romans 8

We have the confidence not to fear, to be ashamed and the glory of it is that we are also co-heirs with Jesus Christ!

But, let us not forget the condition. We will share Jesus' glory if we share in His suffering. People nowadays, always want the rewards without thinking the cost. We don't value what was given because we don't know the hardship that has been before receiving the reward. We can share Christ's glory only if we share in His suffering. Unbelievably, there is joy in the midst of pain of walking in the path of our beautiful Savior, Jesus Christ. We are co-heir, that's the Truth. But to journey with Jesus can we only appreciate the worth of the heir that we receive through Him given by God the Father.

I can not know what the future holds. But this is the assurance. I am a Child of God. The King of Kings and the God of the universe is my personal Father. Who knows me, who adores me like a father adores his little princes. What more can't He not give me?

To put it simply, in my heart language, God calls me "Anak". What comfort! what ownership! What pride on my behalf. That's the blessing of this year. To reflect that I am a Child of God.

I am yet to polish these reflection. To study this passage I know is mind-blowing. I know I will discover more about this passage. :)

Welcome 2012! I Welcome Sprinkles of Grace.

Heart Fast

God is impressing in my heart to have a heart fast... Just be steadfast to Him and pray and intercede for others. Forgetting what I feel just for a time being. He will do His part.

Do you have prayer requests? email me: lorzky@gmail.com

Ready Again

It's funny how the Lord revived my heart again. After 5 years of hurt, pain and rejection, I can't live but to exercise the gift God has given me...His heart.

His heart. It is His. I just needed to rest for a while and realize many things in life is not mine. It's just borrowed. What I do with it will show how meaningful I lived my life.

Now, in the purest sense of the word, I can't help it. I exist to love. To express His love to people come in my way.

But I know, I will hurt. Jesus too was not spared from the pain from the very people He loved are those people who failed Him.

When that time comes, I pray for humility and strength to love more and leave everything to God.

This is His gift. I shouldn't shut it just because of fear of getting hurt.

And He is faithful and just. I will receive my reward soon..very soon.. In Jesus' name. Amen

Delight in Waiting

It's a roller coaster ride for me these past months. I enjoyed, I fret, I felt loved, I expressed love, hurt, crushed,angry, betrayed, pushed to the limits, esteem crushed, dream again, and laying it all again.

It's another way of learning and discipline in the Lord. But I learned again that it is difficult when emotions get in the way. But I learned to be shrewd like serpents but harmless as doves.

Still, it's difficult.

But His grace is all sufficient. It's enough and always new in the morning.

My First Love reminded me of this, "Let Me be your delight, and I will grant your heart's desire."

Yes. I will again. It's worth the wait and to be delighted in You.

Just Be Without Me

Hindi ako nagpapamiss. I guess when everything seems out of order, it is best for me to be silent and let God do His part in fixing things. In fixing the heart. This is a discipline of trust for me. Trusting the Lord knows and does what is best for all of us. Just be…BE. Just be without me. God will have His way in you. Rest assured I’m doing this because I’m a friend. And I’m obeying God rather than men and even myself.

LSS as of the moment

Kiss The Girl lyrics

There you see her
Sitting there across the way
She don't got a lot to say
But there's something about her
And you don't know why
But you're dying to try
You wanna kiss the girl

Yes, you want her
Look at her, you know you do
Possible she wants you too
There is one way to ask her
It don't take a word
Not a single word
Go on and kiss the girl

Sha la la la la la
My oh my
Look like the boy too shy
Ain't gonna kiss the girl
Sha la la la la la
Ain't that sad?
Ain't it a shame?
Too bad, he gonna miss the girl

Now's your moment
Floating in a blue lagoon
Boy you better do it soon
No time will be better
She don't say a word
And she won't say a word
Until you kiss the girl

Sha la la la la la
My oh my
Look like the boy too shy
Ain't gonna kiss the girl
Sha la la la la la
Ain't that sad?
Ain't it a shame?
Too bad, he gonna miss the girl
Sha la la la la la
Don't be scared
You got the mood prepared
Go on and kiss the girl
Sha la la la la la
Don't stop now
Don't try to hide it how
You want to kiss the girl

Sha la la la la la
Float along
And listen to the song
The song say kiss the girl
Sha la la la la
The music play
Do what the music say

You got to kiss the girl
You've got to kiss the girl
You wanna kiss the girl
You've gotta kiss the girl
Go on and kiss the girl

Seasons of Love

Ei! I miss you na...hahaha! remember this song?:D

Seasons Of Love lyrics

Five hundred twenty five thousand six hundred minutes.
Five hundred twenty five thousand moments so dear.
Five hundred twenty five thousand six hundred minutes.
How do you measure- measure a year.

In daylights, in sunsets,
In midnights, in cups of coffee.
In inches, in miles, in laughter, in strife.

Five hundred twenty five thousand six hundred minutes
How do you measure a year in the life?

How about love?
How about love?
How about love?
Measure in love.
Seasons of love.
Seasons of love.

Five hundred twenty five thousand six hundred minutes.
Five hundred twenty five thousand journeys to plan.
five hundred twenty five thousand six hundred minutes.
How do you measure the life of a woman or a man.

How about love?
how about love?
How about love?
Measure in love.
Seasons of love.
Seasons of love

Waiting for the Gift

Lord,

I will wait for Your gift. I waited for You in the past and You didn’t fail me. You will also not fail me now. Not ever. Cause my heart to be steadfast for you. Focus my eyes on the giver not on the gift. I surrender my flesh, change it to a heart that can see what’s more important. Only by Your Spirit Lord, I can be restored. Thank You for loving me. Make me dwell in Your love.

Your Princess

Back!!! Broken but thankful

How does Hannah feel when she has to give back her son to God?
Painful, yet thankful.
God honors her desire, now its time for her to honor her God.

I have to offer my 'Samuel' again.
She's gone. But I have to let go ,let God and move on.
But the friendship remains.
Need to learn again surrender.

It's all about about Him.
Life is more meaningful in goodbyes
everything changes, but one thing remains.
By His grace, I am love and capable of loving.


amen...

On the Go and Overwhelmed

Natulog ako ng 4am kanina, woke up at 9am, iniisip paano ko matatapos ang progress report ng CICF na dapat ipasa sa OSA. Pagkagising ko, sakto,tensionado dito sa bahay sapagkat kailangan ng aking ina ang magpadala na ng pera ang aking Ama. At kapag usapang pera, umiinit na ang mga ulo ng aking mga magulang. Hindi pa rin ako tapos sa aking gawain,ngunit kailangan kong mamagitan sa aking mga magulang kahit na sa telepono lang sila nag-uusap. Nananalangin ako na hindi sila magkataasan ng boses sa pag-uusap. Muli, kumain ito ng panahon na dapat ay ginagamit ko sa pag aayos ng problema ko sa pagpasa ng mga requirements.
Pabalik-balik ako sa mga ginagawa ko, hanggang sa nakagayak na ako upang umalis, ay naiwan ko sa pinakaimportanteng bagay na dapat ay madala ko sa paaralan.Ang USB.Mula sa kanto ay naglakad muli ako pauwi sa amin upang kunin ang naiwang importanteng bagay. Mabuti na lang ay nakasakay ako kaagad.
Hindi ko alam kung bakit sobrang trapik nung malapit na kami sa Quiapo. Umalis ako ng 12:45 sa bahay, Nakarating ako ng Taft ng 3pm.nakatulog na ako at lahat sa bus,hindi pa rin umuusad.
Nang makarating ako ng SM manila upang magpadevelop ng mga litrato mula sa Digicam, aba'y nasira ang budget ko. Buti na lamang at may pera pa akong extra. Buhat buhat ang mga sandamak-mak kong kagamitan para sa Progress Report ay naglakad ako upang sumakay ng Jeep papunta ng paaralan. Pag dating ko,mabuti na lang at nasa CICF office sina Always at iniwan ko muna ang aking bag at ibang gamit, at sinabihan ko silang simulan na ang pag-aayos ng gamit.Pagkatapos,Ibinigay ko ang mga posters, pinatatakan at ipinakita kay Ptr. Gemma. natuwa sya sa aking ginawa.Yun ay nasa ikatlong palapag ng PCU...Haay..nakakapagod.Pagkatapos, ay naghanap pa ako ng maayos na Xerox Copier upang ipaxerox ang files na ginawa namin.nagmamadali akong lumabas ng PCU at nagmamadali din ihinatid ang mga files na pipirmahan ni Tita Diade. Nang bumalik ako sa CICF Office, inaayos na muli namin ang mga records. Mga ilang sandali, Pinatawag na naman kami sa Chaplain's office upang pagusapan ang gagawin sa lunes. At pag baba ko, ay may meeting na naman akong pinuntahan sa USG at COP. Buti na lamang at patapos na rin kami sa report namin, at naipasa namin sa OSA (Office of the Student Affairs) ang report. At nagsimula din kami sa aming Accountability Group with Mommy Eden. Napagdesisyunan na gawin ito sa Mcdo. Ang official tambayan rin namin.
Walang kamatayang Hopes and Dreams ni Mommy Eden ang pambungad na sharing. Pagkatapos, nagsharing din kami sa Leadership Principles ni Jesus. Pagkatapos, pinasulat nya kami ng Commitment Letter for Jesus...Ayun na...nagsimula na ang aming Worship in Tears. Kasi naman ang Lord, WALANG KAKUPAS-KUPAS ANG SALITA NYA,KATOTOHAN AT KAGANDAHAN NYA...Haay,Kahit mahirap, andyan parin Siya... Kaya ayun, Nakita muli namin ang aming kalagayan sa harapan ng Diyos at kung gaano Siya kabuti sa amin.Halo halo na ang ibig sabihin ng aming mga luha...Kagalakan, Kapaguran at pagpapasalamat sa Kanyang kadakilaan. Naishare ko din bago kami umuwi na, "Please pray for me, I'm in the process of Healing.." at muli ay naiyak na naman ako...Pambihira, sa Mcdo, ang dami ko nang moments na umiiyak dun!!!
Ang galing ng Panginoon gumawa ng kwento sa isang ordinaryong araw. Akala ko, matagal na naman bago ko maranasan yun...
At sobrang saya ko na hindi ako Ate sa grupong iyon. Na makikinig lang ako, magbabahagi, pero hindi ate...hehehe...Dream came true.
At muli, kwentuhan kami ni Mommy Eden pag uwi...medyo natagalan ako nakaabang ng Jeep, nung pagsakay ko, feeling ko, mabait si Manong Driver.Kaya pinagpray ko siya, "Lord, pagbaba ko, paki puno po itong jeep. Mabait kasi si Manong at naghahanap buhay..." kaya nung pagbaba ko sa Tandang Sora, sunod-sunod ang mga pasaherong sumakay, at mukhang napuno nga ang jeep. Hehehe...ang Galing ng Panginoon! simpleng panalangin e sinasagot Nya. Bawing bawi ang kangaragan ko ngayong araw...at may mga bonus pa na hindi mababayaran.
Sana makapag exam na ako next week.wala lang ako pambayad ng completion form kaya di ako makapag exam...Help me Lord ulit dito...
Basta...Ang GALING GALING GALING NG PANGINOON!!! WAAAHHH!!!

Answered Prayers

I really thank God for answered prayers. He still says YES eventhough I feel I didn't prayed much. Thank You for temporary space for the fellowship although the place is not ours yet, but I'm so thankful for people who cares and knows the importance of having a space for the fellowship.

Also, I have read my 5 journals for the last 5 years of journaling. I have seen how God molded my character and how He answers prayer.There were people who I prayed for but I no longer remember them.hehehe...Maybe they were my former students in sunday school or people who walked out of my life without saying good bye. That's why I think I forgot them, or its just me who have memory gap. Also there are accounts in my journal that made me laugh, it was the crazy lorah who wrote crazy things for the Lord.I hope the Lord would not mind my craziness...hehehehe...

Thank you Lord.Thank you for Your faithfulness and for answering prayers in Your time, in Your Way. Please May I experience more of You.

Looking Forward to year 2007

So many things happened to me these past weeks. Both good and bad. Ngaragan sa pag organize ng Birthday fellowships ni Jesus last week, chance to be bonded to friends who I can be me, no titles,no responsibilities. Be with dear friends, coffee time and have no normal sleep. Dami pa iba.
I'm here in Capiz. Indeed this is a gift. I don't plan to be here, but I feel this is the best place to meet my Savior again...Minus the busyness of Manila! wheeee!!!!
I've never been excited to face 2007. I feel this is a year of promises and God's faithfulness. I told my dear friend in our coffee date, "I've never been this excited to face 2007!I feel that this is a year God will clean the mess I made...basta! I feel so hopeful."
It's is not the 2007 year thing that is making me euphoric, It's the hope I have in my beautiful Savior Jesus Christ. I'm telling to my dear friends, "Asa pa ako sa buhay ko, sa Lord lang ako may future..." Yeah, I'm re-learning what my name, GRACE really means. And GRACE Keeps me alive.
Lord, Date Tayo ha...Meet me. I love you.

NOTE TO SELF

Kindred Spirit is a gift...Differences is NORMAL.Live with it

Favorite Things

Hmm... Bukod sa mga special people in my life, So far, these are my favorite things, things that makes me happy just by the thought of it.:
1. Cross
2. Stars. Especially when in a Mountain Top view (awww! I miss Sibonga!)
3. Big Shady trees
4. Majestic Mountains
5. Rainbows. Even if found in not so likely places
6. White Roses
7. Interesting Book
8. Painting or Artwork from a friend or a kid
hmm...so far these are my favorite things. But thankful ako this week kasi napaaga ang Christmas gifts ko! hahaah! salamat!salamat!

No Shortcuts

Many roads in life seem to Lead me to glory
The world and all its
PleasuresTo make my life so easy
O Lord, help me to look
At the cross amidst all these
That I may take the road
That leads to Your embrace

**Jesus, I am weak
Your strength is all I need
Help me not take shortcuts
Make me follow your lead
Help me die, so I might live

Bridge:
To take the cross in everyway
And bear it daily all the way
This call You gave I have Received
I pray O Lord each day to live

LCDC Peaks...

KC Mates





CICF SA LCDC...

Trees

I'm a lil bit upset every time I pass through the trees ruined by the typhoon Milenyo:s as I ride going to school. I' m sad to see the broken branches and even the uprooted giant trees. Sigh...
One of my wish is that someday my family could find a haven in our province and atleast plant a tree that would grow sturdy, make a "payag" behind it and have an excellent moment or siesta under the shady tree...
On the other hand, I desire to work in an NGO that focuses in Nature. so five or six days a week, I will marvel and get hurt because of God's creation and on the Sabbath day, I will enjoy fellowship of believers.hehehe...
kelan pa yun?!?
waaahhh!!!
Segueway:
Wanted: a HOME CHURCH. Where I will feel welcome, needed, and at the same time ministers to me as I desire to minister to other brethren as well. Not the One way only when the individual does all the giving. A church who would affirm who I am and love me for who I am and not because of what I do. A Biblical Church who desires to please and honor God in their lifestyle and not just a sunday Christian. Honest, and knows the value of accountability. a Church whom I can have fellowship in the day of Sabbath. a day of rest and refuge for the children of the King.
I'm sick of wandering...
"Sometimes you have to put walls up around you not to keep people out... But to see who cares enough to break them down just to be with you..."

God's Favor

Haaayy...

I'm sooooo soooo happy ngayon. Ang iyong lingkod ay dakilang walang pakialam sa mundo so I really don't mind if hindi ako mapansin ng mundo...ehem, ng mga tao pala (But this attitude I know have pros and cons, I know...I know). Then, my prof, aba! embarrassed me,well, hindi naman talaga ako napahiya, kasi wala pa akong tulog, kaya bangenge ako at wala gaano maramdaman. She jsut rebuked me kasi hindi ako marunong gumawa ng lesson plan! hahaha! sabi nya hindi ako nakikinig sa kanya...nakikinig ako, pero hindi ko lang pinapaedit ang gawa ko sa kanya, kaya raw at walang kwenta sa kanya ang pinasa ko. But then, kahit na pinagalitan nya ako, tinuro pa rin nya sa akin ang format. at yun na lang ang finals na gagawin ko. wahahaha! nakakalokang finals. But still, I 'm thankful sa kanya kasi she blessed me. She told me na magigng magaling akong teacher, but i have to learn how to make a lesson plan. hahahahaha!!!! natatawa talaga ako! at the same time touched. Kasi naman, I don't think she knows me that well to affirm me, well, maliban na lang kung kinacareer nya talaga ang mga compositions na gawa ko.

And she teaches with a heart. Kaya lang sobrang intimidated ako sa class kaya low profile ako...feeling nya hindi ako pumapasok. Mga Graduate students kasi ang mga classmates ko. kaya Autistic ako sa class for a sem.

Basta yun. Sooobrang thankful ako sa Lord I found favor sa prof ko.ang Lord yun. I just did my part.

Saan lupalop ng Maynila pwede akong sumigaw?!?

3 more subjects to go....

Sana 2nd sem na!!!

LCDC pa pala muna...

Birthday Wish

May Jesus Put a New Song in my heart...