Ready Again

It's funny how the Lord revived my heart again. After 5 years of hurt, pain and rejection, I can't live but to exercise the gift God has given me...His heart.

His heart. It is His. I just needed to rest for a while and realize many things in life is not mine. It's just borrowed. What I do with it will show how meaningful I lived my life.

Now, in the purest sense of the word, I can't help it. I exist to love. To express His love to people come in my way.

But I know, I will hurt. Jesus too was not spared from the pain from the very people He loved are those people who failed Him.

When that time comes, I pray for humility and strength to love more and leave everything to God.

This is His gift. I shouldn't shut it just because of fear of getting hurt.

And He is faithful and just. I will receive my reward soon..very soon.. In Jesus' name. Amen

Delight in Waiting

It's a roller coaster ride for me these past months. I enjoyed, I fret, I felt loved, I expressed love, hurt, crushed,angry, betrayed, pushed to the limits, esteem crushed, dream again, and laying it all again.

It's another way of learning and discipline in the Lord. But I learned again that it is difficult when emotions get in the way. But I learned to be shrewd like serpents but harmless as doves.

Still, it's difficult.

But His grace is all sufficient. It's enough and always new in the morning.

My First Love reminded me of this, "Let Me be your delight, and I will grant your heart's desire."

Yes. I will again. It's worth the wait and to be delighted in You.

Just Be Without Me

Hindi ako nagpapamiss. I guess when everything seems out of order, it is best for me to be silent and let God do His part in fixing things. In fixing the heart. This is a discipline of trust for me. Trusting the Lord knows and does what is best for all of us. Just be…BE. Just be without me. God will have His way in you. Rest assured I’m doing this because I’m a friend. And I’m obeying God rather than men and even myself.

LSS as of the moment

Kiss The Girl lyrics

There you see her
Sitting there across the way
She don't got a lot to say
But there's something about her
And you don't know why
But you're dying to try
You wanna kiss the girl

Yes, you want her
Look at her, you know you do
Possible she wants you too
There is one way to ask her
It don't take a word
Not a single word
Go on and kiss the girl

Sha la la la la la
My oh my
Look like the boy too shy
Ain't gonna kiss the girl
Sha la la la la la
Ain't that sad?
Ain't it a shame?
Too bad, he gonna miss the girl

Now's your moment
Floating in a blue lagoon
Boy you better do it soon
No time will be better
She don't say a word
And she won't say a word
Until you kiss the girl

Sha la la la la la
My oh my
Look like the boy too shy
Ain't gonna kiss the girl
Sha la la la la la
Ain't that sad?
Ain't it a shame?
Too bad, he gonna miss the girl
Sha la la la la la
Don't be scared
You got the mood prepared
Go on and kiss the girl
Sha la la la la la
Don't stop now
Don't try to hide it how
You want to kiss the girl

Sha la la la la la
Float along
And listen to the song
The song say kiss the girl
Sha la la la la
The music play
Do what the music say

You got to kiss the girl
You've got to kiss the girl
You wanna kiss the girl
You've gotta kiss the girl
Go on and kiss the girl

Seasons of Love

Ei! I miss you na...hahaha! remember this song?:D

Seasons Of Love lyrics

Five hundred twenty five thousand six hundred minutes.
Five hundred twenty five thousand moments so dear.
Five hundred twenty five thousand six hundred minutes.
How do you measure- measure a year.

In daylights, in sunsets,
In midnights, in cups of coffee.
In inches, in miles, in laughter, in strife.

Five hundred twenty five thousand six hundred minutes
How do you measure a year in the life?

How about love?
How about love?
How about love?
Measure in love.
Seasons of love.
Seasons of love.

Five hundred twenty five thousand six hundred minutes.
Five hundred twenty five thousand journeys to plan.
five hundred twenty five thousand six hundred minutes.
How do you measure the life of a woman or a man.

How about love?
how about love?
How about love?
Measure in love.
Seasons of love.
Seasons of love

Waiting for the Gift

Lord,

I will wait for Your gift. I waited for You in the past and You didn’t fail me. You will also not fail me now. Not ever. Cause my heart to be steadfast for you. Focus my eyes on the giver not on the gift. I surrender my flesh, change it to a heart that can see what’s more important. Only by Your Spirit Lord, I can be restored. Thank You for loving me. Make me dwell in Your love.

Your Princess

Back!!! Broken but thankful

How does Hannah feel when she has to give back her son to God?
Painful, yet thankful.
God honors her desire, now its time for her to honor her God.

I have to offer my 'Samuel' again.
She's gone. But I have to let go ,let God and move on.
But the friendship remains.
Need to learn again surrender.

It's all about about Him.
Life is more meaningful in goodbyes
everything changes, but one thing remains.
By His grace, I am love and capable of loving.


amen...

On the Go and Overwhelmed

Natulog ako ng 4am kanina, woke up at 9am, iniisip paano ko matatapos ang progress report ng CICF na dapat ipasa sa OSA. Pagkagising ko, sakto,tensionado dito sa bahay sapagkat kailangan ng aking ina ang magpadala na ng pera ang aking Ama. At kapag usapang pera, umiinit na ang mga ulo ng aking mga magulang. Hindi pa rin ako tapos sa aking gawain,ngunit kailangan kong mamagitan sa aking mga magulang kahit na sa telepono lang sila nag-uusap. Nananalangin ako na hindi sila magkataasan ng boses sa pag-uusap. Muli, kumain ito ng panahon na dapat ay ginagamit ko sa pag aayos ng problema ko sa pagpasa ng mga requirements.
Pabalik-balik ako sa mga ginagawa ko, hanggang sa nakagayak na ako upang umalis, ay naiwan ko sa pinakaimportanteng bagay na dapat ay madala ko sa paaralan.Ang USB.Mula sa kanto ay naglakad muli ako pauwi sa amin upang kunin ang naiwang importanteng bagay. Mabuti na lang ay nakasakay ako kaagad.
Hindi ko alam kung bakit sobrang trapik nung malapit na kami sa Quiapo. Umalis ako ng 12:45 sa bahay, Nakarating ako ng Taft ng 3pm.nakatulog na ako at lahat sa bus,hindi pa rin umuusad.
Nang makarating ako ng SM manila upang magpadevelop ng mga litrato mula sa Digicam, aba'y nasira ang budget ko. Buti na lamang at may pera pa akong extra. Buhat buhat ang mga sandamak-mak kong kagamitan para sa Progress Report ay naglakad ako upang sumakay ng Jeep papunta ng paaralan. Pag dating ko,mabuti na lang at nasa CICF office sina Always at iniwan ko muna ang aking bag at ibang gamit, at sinabihan ko silang simulan na ang pag-aayos ng gamit.Pagkatapos,Ibinigay ko ang mga posters, pinatatakan at ipinakita kay Ptr. Gemma. natuwa sya sa aking ginawa.Yun ay nasa ikatlong palapag ng PCU...Haay..nakakapagod.Pagkatapos, ay naghanap pa ako ng maayos na Xerox Copier upang ipaxerox ang files na ginawa namin.nagmamadali akong lumabas ng PCU at nagmamadali din ihinatid ang mga files na pipirmahan ni Tita Diade. Nang bumalik ako sa CICF Office, inaayos na muli namin ang mga records. Mga ilang sandali, Pinatawag na naman kami sa Chaplain's office upang pagusapan ang gagawin sa lunes. At pag baba ko, ay may meeting na naman akong pinuntahan sa USG at COP. Buti na lamang at patapos na rin kami sa report namin, at naipasa namin sa OSA (Office of the Student Affairs) ang report. At nagsimula din kami sa aming Accountability Group with Mommy Eden. Napagdesisyunan na gawin ito sa Mcdo. Ang official tambayan rin namin.
Walang kamatayang Hopes and Dreams ni Mommy Eden ang pambungad na sharing. Pagkatapos, nagsharing din kami sa Leadership Principles ni Jesus. Pagkatapos, pinasulat nya kami ng Commitment Letter for Jesus...Ayun na...nagsimula na ang aming Worship in Tears. Kasi naman ang Lord, WALANG KAKUPAS-KUPAS ANG SALITA NYA,KATOTOHAN AT KAGANDAHAN NYA...Haay,Kahit mahirap, andyan parin Siya... Kaya ayun, Nakita muli namin ang aming kalagayan sa harapan ng Diyos at kung gaano Siya kabuti sa amin.Halo halo na ang ibig sabihin ng aming mga luha...Kagalakan, Kapaguran at pagpapasalamat sa Kanyang kadakilaan. Naishare ko din bago kami umuwi na, "Please pray for me, I'm in the process of Healing.." at muli ay naiyak na naman ako...Pambihira, sa Mcdo, ang dami ko nang moments na umiiyak dun!!!
Ang galing ng Panginoon gumawa ng kwento sa isang ordinaryong araw. Akala ko, matagal na naman bago ko maranasan yun...
At sobrang saya ko na hindi ako Ate sa grupong iyon. Na makikinig lang ako, magbabahagi, pero hindi ate...hehehe...Dream came true.
At muli, kwentuhan kami ni Mommy Eden pag uwi...medyo natagalan ako nakaabang ng Jeep, nung pagsakay ko, feeling ko, mabait si Manong Driver.Kaya pinagpray ko siya, "Lord, pagbaba ko, paki puno po itong jeep. Mabait kasi si Manong at naghahanap buhay..." kaya nung pagbaba ko sa Tandang Sora, sunod-sunod ang mga pasaherong sumakay, at mukhang napuno nga ang jeep. Hehehe...ang Galing ng Panginoon! simpleng panalangin e sinasagot Nya. Bawing bawi ang kangaragan ko ngayong araw...at may mga bonus pa na hindi mababayaran.
Sana makapag exam na ako next week.wala lang ako pambayad ng completion form kaya di ako makapag exam...Help me Lord ulit dito...
Basta...Ang GALING GALING GALING NG PANGINOON!!! WAAAHHH!!!

Answered Prayers

I really thank God for answered prayers. He still says YES eventhough I feel I didn't prayed much. Thank You for temporary space for the fellowship although the place is not ours yet, but I'm so thankful for people who cares and knows the importance of having a space for the fellowship.

Also, I have read my 5 journals for the last 5 years of journaling. I have seen how God molded my character and how He answers prayer.There were people who I prayed for but I no longer remember them.hehehe...Maybe they were my former students in sunday school or people who walked out of my life without saying good bye. That's why I think I forgot them, or its just me who have memory gap. Also there are accounts in my journal that made me laugh, it was the crazy lorah who wrote crazy things for the Lord.I hope the Lord would not mind my craziness...hehehehe...

Thank you Lord.Thank you for Your faithfulness and for answering prayers in Your time, in Your Way. Please May I experience more of You.

Looking Forward to year 2007

So many things happened to me these past weeks. Both good and bad. Ngaragan sa pag organize ng Birthday fellowships ni Jesus last week, chance to be bonded to friends who I can be me, no titles,no responsibilities. Be with dear friends, coffee time and have no normal sleep. Dami pa iba.
I'm here in Capiz. Indeed this is a gift. I don't plan to be here, but I feel this is the best place to meet my Savior again...Minus the busyness of Manila! wheeee!!!!
I've never been excited to face 2007. I feel this is a year of promises and God's faithfulness. I told my dear friend in our coffee date, "I've never been this excited to face 2007!I feel that this is a year God will clean the mess I made...basta! I feel so hopeful."
It's is not the 2007 year thing that is making me euphoric, It's the hope I have in my beautiful Savior Jesus Christ. I'm telling to my dear friends, "Asa pa ako sa buhay ko, sa Lord lang ako may future..." Yeah, I'm re-learning what my name, GRACE really means. And GRACE Keeps me alive.
Lord, Date Tayo ha...Meet me. I love you.

NOTE TO SELF

Kindred Spirit is a gift...Differences is NORMAL.Live with it

Favorite Things

Hmm... Bukod sa mga special people in my life, So far, these are my favorite things, things that makes me happy just by the thought of it.:
1. Cross
2. Stars. Especially when in a Mountain Top view (awww! I miss Sibonga!)
3. Big Shady trees
4. Majestic Mountains
5. Rainbows. Even if found in not so likely places
6. White Roses
7. Interesting Book
8. Painting or Artwork from a friend or a kid
hmm...so far these are my favorite things. But thankful ako this week kasi napaaga ang Christmas gifts ko! hahaah! salamat!salamat!

No Shortcuts

Many roads in life seem to Lead me to glory
The world and all its
PleasuresTo make my life so easy
O Lord, help me to look
At the cross amidst all these
That I may take the road
That leads to Your embrace

**Jesus, I am weak
Your strength is all I need
Help me not take shortcuts
Make me follow your lead
Help me die, so I might live

Bridge:
To take the cross in everyway
And bear it daily all the way
This call You gave I have Received
I pray O Lord each day to live

LCDC Peaks...

KC Mates





CICF SA LCDC...

Trees

I'm a lil bit upset every time I pass through the trees ruined by the typhoon Milenyo:s as I ride going to school. I' m sad to see the broken branches and even the uprooted giant trees. Sigh...
One of my wish is that someday my family could find a haven in our province and atleast plant a tree that would grow sturdy, make a "payag" behind it and have an excellent moment or siesta under the shady tree...
On the other hand, I desire to work in an NGO that focuses in Nature. so five or six days a week, I will marvel and get hurt because of God's creation and on the Sabbath day, I will enjoy fellowship of believers.hehehe...
kelan pa yun?!?
waaahhh!!!
Segueway:
Wanted: a HOME CHURCH. Where I will feel welcome, needed, and at the same time ministers to me as I desire to minister to other brethren as well. Not the One way only when the individual does all the giving. A church who would affirm who I am and love me for who I am and not because of what I do. A Biblical Church who desires to please and honor God in their lifestyle and not just a sunday Christian. Honest, and knows the value of accountability. a Church whom I can have fellowship in the day of Sabbath. a day of rest and refuge for the children of the King.
I'm sick of wandering...
"Sometimes you have to put walls up around you not to keep people out... But to see who cares enough to break them down just to be with you..."

God's Favor

Haaayy...

I'm sooooo soooo happy ngayon. Ang iyong lingkod ay dakilang walang pakialam sa mundo so I really don't mind if hindi ako mapansin ng mundo...ehem, ng mga tao pala (But this attitude I know have pros and cons, I know...I know). Then, my prof, aba! embarrassed me,well, hindi naman talaga ako napahiya, kasi wala pa akong tulog, kaya bangenge ako at wala gaano maramdaman. She jsut rebuked me kasi hindi ako marunong gumawa ng lesson plan! hahaha! sabi nya hindi ako nakikinig sa kanya...nakikinig ako, pero hindi ko lang pinapaedit ang gawa ko sa kanya, kaya raw at walang kwenta sa kanya ang pinasa ko. But then, kahit na pinagalitan nya ako, tinuro pa rin nya sa akin ang format. at yun na lang ang finals na gagawin ko. wahahaha! nakakalokang finals. But still, I 'm thankful sa kanya kasi she blessed me. She told me na magigng magaling akong teacher, but i have to learn how to make a lesson plan. hahahahaha!!!! natatawa talaga ako! at the same time touched. Kasi naman, I don't think she knows me that well to affirm me, well, maliban na lang kung kinacareer nya talaga ang mga compositions na gawa ko.

And she teaches with a heart. Kaya lang sobrang intimidated ako sa class kaya low profile ako...feeling nya hindi ako pumapasok. Mga Graduate students kasi ang mga classmates ko. kaya Autistic ako sa class for a sem.

Basta yun. Sooobrang thankful ako sa Lord I found favor sa prof ko.ang Lord yun. I just did my part.

Saan lupalop ng Maynila pwede akong sumigaw?!?

3 more subjects to go....

Sana 2nd sem na!!!

LCDC pa pala muna...

Birthday Wish

May Jesus Put a New Song in my heart...

Tapos na ang Draft!

Haaay Lord....Marami salamat po...natapos ko na ang draft assignment ko for thesis. Wish ko lang, next time, walang makisawsaw na problem sa akin. Sakit sa ulo. Grrr....

MY PRESS RELEASE ABOUT MY FAMILY

Ang mapalayo sa pamilya ko ay mahirap. Pero ang nangyari sa amin ay isang step of faith.Hindi ko alam ang purpose ng Panginoon, but as I understand the situation, It is due to Economic and Safety reasons for my siblings. Dagdag na rin ang kadahilanang gusto ng aking mga magulang ang mag settle down sa probinsya some day kapag nag retire na sila.
Nagpaalam naman ng maayos ang aking ina sa kanilang pagprepare sa pag alis. Mahirap iyon, ngunit ang calling ng aking ina,more than anything else ay ang paglingkuran ang Panginoon through her family. Major change nga lang dahil tinawag sila ng Panginoon sa probinsya ng Capiz.
Alam ko po marami ang nahirapan nang umalis ang aking pamilya especially ang aking ina. Ngunit sana maluwag sa inyong puso ang i-bless sila at maging happy sa kanilang choice. This is learning to let go and praise the Lord kasi nakilala nyo ang aking nanay.
Sa aking simbahan na natutunan mahalin at na attach sa nanay ko, it is time to learn to let go. As you miss my family, say a little prayer for them. Ang kulitin ako kung kailan sila uuwi ay nakakadagdag sa pagpapahirap sa aking loob (stress) because more than anybody else, ako ang nasasaktan, but I have to let go. MAGFUFUNCTION ANG SIMBAHAN KAHIT WALA ANG NANAY KO. TINUTURUAN LANG TAYO NG PANGINOON NA UMALIS SA COMFORT ZONE. NAGING COMFORTABLE KASI NUNG NANDYAN ANG NANAY KO. (minsan, naiisip ko rin na sisihin ang nanay ko na hinayaang sobrang maattched ang mga tao na minsan hirap na magpatuloy dahil umalis na siya.) HINDI PO MESSIAH ANG NANAY KO. NYAY! Nakakatakot. LET US LEARN TO TRUST GOD AND THANK HIM FOR BRINGING PEOPLE IN OUR LIVES, PERO ANG MAATTACHED SA TAONG BINIGAY NG DIYOS MORE THAN JESUS AY NAKAKATAKOT NA SITUATION.LET US NOT PUT A PERSON SA PEDESTAL, KASI BAKA MAG FALL SIYA, DI RIN NATIN KAYANIN. LET US LEARN TO TRUST GOD MORE THAN PEOPLE.
LET US BE SENSITIVE SA MGA FEELINGS NG IBANG TAO. HINDI YUNG IPIPILIT LANG NATIN ANG GUSTO NATIN. WE CAN SUGGEST, PERO ANG SUBTLE MANIPULATION AY HINDI MAGANDA.
WE CANNOT KEEP A PERSON FOREVER. PEOPLE COME AND GO. WHAT IS OUR RESPONSE? THANKFUL HEART? SUPPORT? OR SELFISHNESS?
HELP US.PRAY FOR US.
MARAMING SALAMAT PO.

3 Noble Men in 3 Weeks

I'm so honored to have a quality time with these noble men in a span of 3 weeks. The Lord is the only one who made this possible.
So I should say I had a Pseudo-love life for this month of August. I believe love naman ako ng mga guys whom I am talking about. Hehehe...
First is Karl. After a whole ngarag friday of August 11, He paid PCU a visit. Since we are bonded in the wonder of KC, He is so welcome sa fellowship. Kaya lang nagsiuwian na ang mga CICF, Nagkwentuhan na lang kami sa Boracay (place sa PCU)With Thea and mga namamasyal at pakalat-kalat na CICF. Ayaw magreply ni Sherry, kaya tuloy, kami na lang nagkwentuhan.Muntik na nya ako mapaiyak...hehehe...
Second is Paolo.After the Freshmen Treat, Last August 22, Tatawid na sana ako sa Tandang Sora para umuwi, i felt someone tapping my back. Pambihira, si Paolo-KC mate once again ang nakita ko. Goodlak naman sa amin at mag usap sa kalye, syempre, hindi ko matitiis na kabatian ko lang ang KC mate ko sa kalye. Kaya yun,we ate sa chowking and kwentuhan ng mga Ups and Downs.
Third and a gift to me is my TATAY! He fetched me at Cosmopolitan Church in Taft Avenue and we had a date in Pizza Hut Delta. Nakasandal ako sa chest ni tatay habang nasa byahe at na sa likod ng FX. I'm cherishing the moments to be secured with my tatay. Medyo naluha ako kasi I know, He will not stay for long. We are just enjoying and making the most out of our time.
During those times, I am physically tired, I guess also emotionally. Being with them is God's incentives to me.Hehehe...nah, It's God's way of showing me that He cares. As I see their lives,I see imperfection but I'm also seeing men striving to rise above the challenges and acknowledging that the strength that they have is all by God's mercy and grace.
I thank the Lord for these men.
Lord, please rise more Godly men in my sight. Ayaw ko po ng sorority. hehehe...
I love you guys!
I love you tatay.
Ingat kayo lagi.