Elusive Me

         I think, I am the most elusive person in campus.  Unlike other students who wants to belong to a group, or students having the charisma eventually being popular in school, I don't mind going to school, listening to the professors, speaking my mind, small chit-chats and go home. I will not defend myself. I might be judged in this post. But like my consistent behavior, I really don't mind.

  

            I had my shares of being left-out. Maybe with the mixture of my temperament that I am melancholic and partly phlegmatic and introverted, I don't argue and assert myself. I thought I relayed what I want to say, but in the end, it is just all in my head. Nothing's changed. I am still left out. I don't know if I developed the defense of just minding my own business and I don't mind.

           I am not the life of the crowd. I am lucky whenever I end up in a fun group. But if a group would expect an entertainment from me, I can just offer them free counseling sessions-- heart to heart sessions. LOL! But I know by God's grace I had developed heart-level friendships.

            Last May, I was invited to a road trip to tour Ilocos Norte and Ilocos Sur by a group of friends from my school. I am happy they invited me. Thank God for the budget provided for that trip. It was a economic-friendly tour. My schoolmate has a van and she brought with her her house! er, kitchen. We ate home cooked meals on the road. We enjoyed the beach and site-seeing.

            I really appreciate their gesture of remembering me. Just to be invited is an honor. It's an unspoken message to me that I am valued and loved.

            I believe these people in school, though they seldom see me lately, I know that they care for me. I am elusive in a sense that I find it difficult to start a conversation. Once I feel that I am welcome, thank you. But just for the sake of chit-chat, It's ok. To go out of their way to invite me speaks a lot.

         I am elusive maybe because I can't stay in one place. Haha! I love travelling. Thank God for opportunities to travel and observe the created order. I can't bear spending hours in the library. I just borrow books, photocopy chapters and I am off to a beautiful cozy spot where I could read with no pressure looking at the "do not disturb me" faces of my schoolmates.

             I am elusive because I love my passion! I am chasing and pursuing what makes me alive. I love to learn. But I have my learning style. I incubate a lot. I believe that learning should not be terrorizing.

              I am elusive but when I feel home, I am home in a group or a person. I am free to be  me and I am willing to speak when I know my heart is safe to bare. I am me.

              I am elusive to people I guess doesn't need me (again, this is not an issue- I don't mind). But when I am in a community where I need to serve, I go out of my way to help and communicate. 

              I just find it funny when I feel that people judge me and find me weird. I am. I appreciate when they get out of their way to ask me. I'll answer. I am not arrogant to pissed them off. I am me and I can't change how I am wired to think, feel and act.

              I'm elusive. In my campus.

              Did I say it's a seminary? LOL.

              Thanks for reading! 

I'm For Relationships not Position

         I am having this dilemma. I am called "Pastor" in my church now. Technically, I am a leader in church. I love teaching, I am speaking in the pulpit whenever I am assigned to share, I am discipling. But I am quite intimidated to be called "Pastor".

          

       I grew up in a church where Pastoral position is a job, rather than a calling. I am conditioned that because my church is a low income generating church, no pastor would want to serve. Also, my relationship with different pastors in the church was superficial. No shepherd would go an extra mile to reach out to me. Thus, I respect the word "pastor" but my subconscious says otherwise.

       When the good Lord showed me what real discipleship means, my life is transformed. I saw authenticity of the Ates and Kuyas in our campus fellowship as they nurture me and offer me their friendship.

  

      I remember when my mother said, "Anak, kakausapin ka daw ni Pastor..." ("Child, Pastor will talk to you"). And I was surprised and didn't know what to feel. I just said with no intention of sarcasm, "Bakit? anong kasalanan ko? hindi kasi ako sanay kausapin ng Pastor. Feeling ko may kinakausap lang sila pag may kasalanan ang tao. Mas sanay pa ako kausapin ako ng mga Ate at Kuya (sa campus fellowship)" ("Why? What's my offense? I am not used to Pastors speaking to me, I feel I committed a sin. I am more comfortable when leaders in my fellowship talks to me." ). Good thing my mother and I didn't start a fight.

      Unfortunately, no one is keen enough to observe the way I said about pastors. Yes, being a pastor is a spiritual gift. Spiritual gifts are given to be used to declare God in this world. By God's grace and mercy, I now understand that to be a leader--You (and I) should be the servant of all, as what Jesus did. To be a Pastor is to be a servant. But I am sometimes being turned off with people who makes a Pastoral position a position of "honor" (In a prideful sense as opposed to the honor of serving God), and having a sense of entitlement.

     

      Yes, I am taught to honor my leaders. Especially to those who lead me to be closer with God. But I am still allergic to the term. That's why the pastors close to my heart, I call them Tatay rather than Pastor. I call them "Tatay" for I welcome them wholeheartedly into my life. To rebuke me and me be accountable to them. When I address "Pastor" yes, I respect him/ her as a Pastor, but I have other endearment names for people who have the right in my life.

     In my part time job in a Catholic school, I am asked if I am a Pastor. I looked at them and honestly answered- caught off guard, "Yes, I do Pastoral ministries, but I still don't count myself as a Pastor. But some people call me Pastor."

    Whichever is my lot, my calling- I would  gladly receive it. But right now, I need clarifications. I need clear calling from the Lord. "Pastor" for me is a position. I function through relationships, not in bureaucracy, I really don't fit in the system of this world.  But I am thankful that my church now acknowledges spiritual gifts and they regard me as one of the lay "Pastors". With the "name" given to me, I also feel the expectations of people towards a Pastor. I just pray they continue to receive love and vision from the Lord to safeguard what was entrusted to them and to advance God's Kingdom.

    I'm still intimidated. I love relationships: I love people- I am a nurturer, but to be a shepherd, I guess, is not in my DNA.I am a free soul. If God would define what is a Pastor to me, and how will I fit His calling, then I will understand and will gladly receive what will be entrusted to me. 

     I respect people and the office they serve. But I pray church leaders would be secure in who they are in Christ that they will not hide behind the titles and accomplishments they have. We are simply God's children, God's Co-workers, God's servants before men.

 This is me. Just thinking out loud.

        

I am present I worn out

I was present for everybody. I juggle studies, work, relationships and ministries.  I always find time to people who would need me. But how about those who need somebody but can't express it? how would I know?  

I was strong, I was healthy. I spent sleepless night trying to finish academic requirements. Pressure is on. Having Church responsibilities on the side. I did not complain. I love what I am doing.

During the last leg of the requirements, I received a report that a cousin in Australia committed suicide. I felt numb. I will always remember the small baby boy who visited us and would always be cranky for he is not understood for we are not that English speaking for we reside in the Philippines. He was the cute boy. Time went by I know that he is a grown up. I was waiting for his visit together with his family next year.

Then, there's the news. He is gone. 

I know I'm physically in shape. But the next day when I woke up, I already have a broken voice and an aching throat. I know that is the start of the sickness. I was able to finish my speaking engagement during the Holy Week, but I reached the end of my strength. I needed to rest.

Then I thought, I can be strong, but when news come about family my guard is down. My strength would fail me.

Yes, I guess my guard was down that time. It is true in what they say, that when a love one departs, you feel a part of you is amputated. Their family is close to our hearts. So, to know that my cousin ended his life is too painful for me. It is also painful to know that they are too far (and to expensive) to visit. If I could only go to Australia and console them. My cousin didn't know there are people on the other side of the globe that loves him if he doesn't feel love in the culture that he is in (knowing his parents, they love him dearly).

There are things I still don't understand. But these circumstance made me ponder about life, death, family, strength and weakness.

Until then, Cousin...you'll be missed. I want to see you though.

Gah! fixated again. I want to hug you  for the last time. : (

In Honor of him Who Led me to Him

There is a battle within me lately. No, I'm not desperate, but I am highly frustrated with the supposed to be first man in my life. To make the long list frustrations short, I am in the verge of quitting when it comes to him. I don't need to elaborate his short comings, but for those who know me personally, you can guess why am I frustrated with the guy.

As I write all my rants to my Maker, he made me realize that I owe my spiritual renewal from a guy friend. A  man. I was challenged on how intimate he is to his God. We were both leaders in our respective churches, yet I saw how contented and happy he were in serving. Whereas, I am putting up a show. I am miserable inside.

I admire this friend of mine. He saw the beauty I don't see in me. He would call me up everyday asking me how I am and sharing how good is his God in his life . I envy him. I admire him for the quality of relationship he has with God. I covet that kind of relationship. 

After months of seeking, I found Him. His unfailing love that transforms me. When people wants the best of me, Jesus Christ wants my all- the beauty and ugliness in me. He wants it. From that time on, I was never the same again.

As for my friend, his life that led me to have real LIFE. I learned to love him. I guess, he loved me too (*blush*) yet, that time was not a season for us to be together. We were 14 years old back then. Now I am in my mid 20's, I still have not meet him. I hope to meet him. I don't know if he is already married. I just hope the Life that he shared to me is still the Life that he is living in this challenging times.

I thank God for glimpses. I felt loved and met a guy who loves the Lord more than me. Thinking right now, my God is indeed a jealous God. He wants me all to Himself. He is the author of Love. I am secure of His love and that His timing is best. Just like the song says, Waiting for a thousand years. I am not waiting for my guy friend. I am waiting for the time when all my heart's desires will be answered. I am waiting for the time Jesus will wipe my tears, and he would only allow tears of joy. I am simply waiting on my First Love-- Jesus Christ. In Him I have my being.

To you, you know who you are. Thank you.  Declaring God's best blessing in your life. :)

In the Dark

I guess, a wonderful piece, a beautiful masterpiece can be conceived in brokenness or in darkness. Creative juices are being released in not-so likely places or stages in our lives. As a frustrated artist, I believed I have hibernated for so long. I still have personal issues to be dealt with. But I hope that as I work on my issues, Art is God's good gift to me to cope. It will facilitate healing.

After this month, I will turn to you--my first love. PAINTING.COLORS. Just wait. I hope to finish in time. :)

You can always learn from others...saying I'm Sorry

I would like to thank Ate Mide for the date last friday. I enjoyed our time worshiping the Lord at the concert. and I learn a lot from ate Mide on our way home. may I quote what she said to me, "Our obedience to God is God's message of love and grace to other people..." (I know she will post more about this statement in her own blog.)

Sometimes, it seems tiring, but we will never know when our deeds is an act of grace for other people. Many times(even now) I want to give up,to quit and have things my way. But I can't.

What I admire about ate Mide is her transparency. She told me her shortcomings and she is not afraid to tell her faults. I remember one time she dropped by our house and she tutored me then we end up telling one another's burdens and short commings and then we cried and prayed together.

I even admire her for her open letter to Jun. At the end part of it, she said this,

Goodbye Jun. We will surely miss you. I want you to know that we are sorry we couldn't ease your burden and we weren't there when you experienced your deepest hurts. We never wanted you to have lived a difficult life. It is our hope that you are ready to face our creator now that He has taken you home. We love you.love,

Ate Mide

Wow, she said sorry...SORRY, the word I long to hear. These word is unpopular,yet many people longs to hear others to say it to them. If people would be humble enough to say SORRY, how beautiful this life would be.We all hurt, but saying you're sorry is another story. It is when healing takes place for both parties. Saying you're sorry is not a sign of weakness, but humility...letting yourself to be a catalyst for forgiveness. it does not benefit the other, but you yourself will be changed within. remember it is when we say I"m sorry Lord,I ask you to be the Lord and Saviour of my life", is when change truly takes place,coz Jesus desires a willing and a humble heart. Saying sorry is sometimes humiliating, but it is an act of letting yourself to be open for healing.

I'm sorry for the people i hurt...I hurt too...but I choose to say I'm sorry.

______________________________________________________

check out ate Mide's blog. http://mideramos.blogspot.com

Dangerous Prayer

I love this statement: "Dangerous Prayer"

I lived a life so un-secure. Not to mention insecurity. I developed in my psyche the attitude to be strong for the longest of time. Other people under estimates me, or just "concerned" with my health condition.

I didn't like it.

I wanted a secure life, full of life and love. A place where I can be me and develop my strengths and attributes to the fullest. I want a life of A D V E N T U R E !!!!

Yet, I'm still here. Waiting. Wrestling with God. Having a fist fight over my comfort zones.- My emotions, mind and will are in constant struggle for the Lordship of Jesus Christ which was offered years ago.

With discipline to be still. It was impressed upon my heart, that I am small. I am but a speck of dust. All along my plans I thought was grand. But still, since it came from me...it is still small.

Then one day, I prayed what I believe, a "Dangerous Prayer".

"Lord, my dreams are small. I'm tired of having things my way. Take it, its Yours..."

The will followed. Or at least, I believe my psyche followed that declaration. I am still haggling my case to God, but now I believe I prayed a dangerous prayer. May He grant me the grace to let go of the temporary and embrace His Lordship and see in the eyes of faith what is in store for me.

I'm tired of being pissed off by people. I guess I can see their hearts. Their hearts mirrors mine. I want my heart will mirror my Lover, my Creator-- Jesus Christ. Let peace reign in my heart. I want to rise on higher ground.

I want to love unconditionally as my Lover did.

I want to live dangerously.

Mentors on the Journey

I really enjoy it when I am in the presence of mentors. I am always in awe how much discipline and sacrifices they went through just to achieve their level right now. I am not after their position or status, but I love the way they are able to share wisdom to me and how willing they are to coach me through life if not to journey with you along the way.

One mentor told me: " Bata ka pa...OK lang yan." ( "You are still young. It's Ok."-On having a relationship). In terms of her age and mine, she would really tell me that. But comparing me to my pears, I think I am way ahead.

Speaking to these people gives a Placebo effect on me. I am calmed, believing everything is alright.

I am not always the type who are asking questions. I am not confrontational. I just want to hear what a person has to say.I get wisdom from people for what they did or did not do. There are issues in life that I did not quite understand in the past. For people who did not wisely walked the path, I can say that I was quite afraid to journey the path myself. But as I go along, It seems the journey is inevitable. We will pass through stages of life.

I don't understand why people must journey alone? There are available men and women of wisdom who can be trusted and can journey with us? These mentors does not impose what they know but they allow the person to understand and decide what path to take. To be accountable with someone who cares for you lessens the probability to pick the wrong choice. For there is someone who was there already. It helps us not to repeat the same mistakes (SIN) again.

Mentors remind me of the perspective that God is mindful of me and that I should be a good steward of my time. Now that I'm still single, This is the best time to maximize my time and resources to honor God in my singleness. I know, in God's beautiful time God has someone prepared for me. Together we will serve the Lord wherever He may lead.

I always love to be at the feet of mentors who, the best that they can is obeying God. God bless these people in my life and I want them at my wedding. Hahahaha!

The Horrors of Conflict

When I was in college, taking up my Sociology subject, we have been taught on the different Sociological Perspective. I didn't like the Perspective of Conflict that causes change in the society, but eventually, I appreciated it. Power Struggles and radicalism made me wonder, yet had a sense of adventure and pride how you can win over a struggle.

While I'm thinking that conflict fun, in reality when not handled with wisdom and maturity, it is like throwing each other grenade and both parties end up devastated.

It is said that feelings and emotion are neutral. It is neither good nor bad, but the response made due to feelings will determine whether the actions and motives behind are justifiable.

Here in the Philippines, we have a lot to learn in handling conflicts. I wish those who mastered the art of being open, patient and winning back relationship in conflicts would speak up. I have so much to learn.

Based upon the course on relationship I took for my Masters, in handling conflicts, there are 2 goals, you may want to win over the relationship back, or still push through or assert your goal. Or, the two polarities can be met in a compromise.

In my family background, mother is always the one who do the discipline to her children. Father is there but is not involved on the discipline process. What I got from that set up was, we are being punished and we experienced the fury of our mother for the improper things that we do and for disobeying them. I didn't see the element of love during those times. Thus, what I experienced, I subconsciously expressed to the rest of my siblings, if not, to the other persons I am in conflict with. Since I don't go physical, the motives behind the words that crushed my heart are also the same motives I do every time I confront. No GRACE.

I would be in conflict for the reason of people violating my values. When I am not understood, fury is all the more accumulated and eventually will explode to deadly words that would wreck a relationship.

Also, when I am hurt and is not being acknowledged, it is painful. I don't need rationalization. I need people who can receive my mess and willing to journey with me. Emotions are just emotions.

Funny how people retaliate for in fact the way to subside the issue is to just say "SORRY" AND MEAN it. Sorry-in the context of saying, "I have hurt your feelings, I want the relationship back. I'm sorry." not to be Sorry to appease the person, and dropping the whole issue. People would retaliate in questioning the person in conflict with, or even say slander to the other party.

Sometimes, I want to bring the conflict to a boxing or wrestling, just to unload the negative feelings without killing the person by words. "Suntukan na lang" would appease the hurt and the person refusing to say Sorry. After which, all will be OK. Physical aggression has been done.

But I believe if two persons' anger have subsided, and is willing to listen to one another and the Holy Spirit, the love would be sweeter the second time around. It is glorious... This will only happen if both parties are willing.

I am yet to discover the art of peaceful conflict. But I am learning the art of letting Go. Forgiving others. Forgiving myself. Life is not all about me. Maybe their purpose is just to bring out the monster in me that I need to surrender to the cross. Nobody wants to disclose their real selves. Rare gems are the persons who can receive me. My beauty, ugliness and all.

Blessed 2012

Blessing everyone this 2012!!! I would like to thank my dear friend Ms. Josephine Sanchez for slowly and intricately re-designing my nook. Wishing again to unleash inspirations and thoughts from my heart and hope to encourage, challenge and inspire people who would read my posts.

I started the year at the mountains. Together with guy friends and a heart sister, we marvelled, enjoyed walking on the mud in the Rice Terraces of Ifugao. Child in us were released as we enjoy the beauty of God's creation during that long weekend holiday and New Year celebration.

As I prepare our New Year devotion, I asked the Lord what to share.

Deep in my heart, it was impressed upon me the joy and confidence on being a child of God.

¹⁴ For those who are led by the Spirit of God are the children of God. ¹⁵ The Spirit you received does not make you slaves, so that you live in fear again; rather, the Spirit you received brought about your adoption to sonship. And by him we cry,“Abba ,Father.” ¹⁶The Spirit himself testifies with our spirit that we are God’s children.¹⁷ Now if we are children, then we are heirs—heirs of God and co-heirs with Christ, if indeed we share in his sufferings in order that we may also share in his glory. -Romans 8

We have the confidence not to fear, to be ashamed and the glory of it is that we are also co-heirs with Jesus Christ!

But, let us not forget the condition. We will share Jesus' glory if we share in His suffering. People nowadays, always want the rewards without thinking the cost. We don't value what was given because we don't know the hardship that has been before receiving the reward. We can share Christ's glory only if we share in His suffering. Unbelievably, there is joy in the midst of pain of walking in the path of our beautiful Savior, Jesus Christ. We are co-heir, that's the Truth. But to journey with Jesus can we only appreciate the worth of the heir that we receive through Him given by God the Father.

I can not know what the future holds. But this is the assurance. I am a Child of God. The King of Kings and the God of the universe is my personal Father. Who knows me, who adores me like a father adores his little princes. What more can't He not give me?

To put it simply, in my heart language, God calls me "Anak". What comfort! what ownership! What pride on my behalf. That's the blessing of this year. To reflect that I am a Child of God.

I am yet to polish these reflection. To study this passage I know is mind-blowing. I know I will discover more about this passage. :)

Welcome 2012! I Welcome Sprinkles of Grace.

Heart Fast

God is impressing in my heart to have a heart fast... Just be steadfast to Him and pray and intercede for others. Forgetting what I feel just for a time being. He will do His part.

Do you have prayer requests? email me: lorzky@gmail.com

Ready Again

It's funny how the Lord revived my heart again. After 5 years of hurt, pain and rejection, I can't live but to exercise the gift God has given me...His heart.

His heart. It is His. I just needed to rest for a while and realize many things in life is not mine. It's just borrowed. What I do with it will show how meaningful I lived my life.

Now, in the purest sense of the word, I can't help it. I exist to love. To express His love to people come in my way.

But I know, I will hurt. Jesus too was not spared from the pain from the very people He loved are those people who failed Him.

When that time comes, I pray for humility and strength to love more and leave everything to God.

This is His gift. I shouldn't shut it just because of fear of getting hurt.

And He is faithful and just. I will receive my reward soon..very soon.. In Jesus' name. Amen

Delight in Waiting

It's a roller coaster ride for me these past months. I enjoyed, I fret, I felt loved, I expressed love, hurt, crushed,angry, betrayed, pushed to the limits, esteem crushed, dream again, and laying it all again.

It's another way of learning and discipline in the Lord. But I learned again that it is difficult when emotions get in the way. But I learned to be shrewd like serpents but harmless as doves.

Still, it's difficult.

But His grace is all sufficient. It's enough and always new in the morning.

My First Love reminded me of this, "Let Me be your delight, and I will grant your heart's desire."

Yes. I will again. It's worth the wait and to be delighted in You.

Just Be Without Me

Hindi ako nagpapamiss. I guess when everything seems out of order, it is best for me to be silent and let God do His part in fixing things. In fixing the heart. This is a discipline of trust for me. Trusting the Lord knows and does what is best for all of us. Just be…BE. Just be without me. God will have His way in you. Rest assured I’m doing this because I’m a friend. And I’m obeying God rather than men and even myself.

LSS as of the moment

Kiss The Girl lyrics

There you see her
Sitting there across the way
She don't got a lot to say
But there's something about her
And you don't know why
But you're dying to try
You wanna kiss the girl

Yes, you want her
Look at her, you know you do
Possible she wants you too
There is one way to ask her
It don't take a word
Not a single word
Go on and kiss the girl

Sha la la la la la
My oh my
Look like the boy too shy
Ain't gonna kiss the girl
Sha la la la la la
Ain't that sad?
Ain't it a shame?
Too bad, he gonna miss the girl

Now's your moment
Floating in a blue lagoon
Boy you better do it soon
No time will be better
She don't say a word
And she won't say a word
Until you kiss the girl

Sha la la la la la
My oh my
Look like the boy too shy
Ain't gonna kiss the girl
Sha la la la la la
Ain't that sad?
Ain't it a shame?
Too bad, he gonna miss the girl
Sha la la la la la
Don't be scared
You got the mood prepared
Go on and kiss the girl
Sha la la la la la
Don't stop now
Don't try to hide it how
You want to kiss the girl

Sha la la la la la
Float along
And listen to the song
The song say kiss the girl
Sha la la la la
The music play
Do what the music say

You got to kiss the girl
You've got to kiss the girl
You wanna kiss the girl
You've gotta kiss the girl
Go on and kiss the girl

Seasons of Love

Ei! I miss you na...hahaha! remember this song?:D

Seasons Of Love lyrics

Five hundred twenty five thousand six hundred minutes.
Five hundred twenty five thousand moments so dear.
Five hundred twenty five thousand six hundred minutes.
How do you measure- measure a year.

In daylights, in sunsets,
In midnights, in cups of coffee.
In inches, in miles, in laughter, in strife.

Five hundred twenty five thousand six hundred minutes
How do you measure a year in the life?

How about love?
How about love?
How about love?
Measure in love.
Seasons of love.
Seasons of love.

Five hundred twenty five thousand six hundred minutes.
Five hundred twenty five thousand journeys to plan.
five hundred twenty five thousand six hundred minutes.
How do you measure the life of a woman or a man.

How about love?
how about love?
How about love?
Measure in love.
Seasons of love.
Seasons of love

Waiting for the Gift

Lord,

I will wait for Your gift. I waited for You in the past and You didn’t fail me. You will also not fail me now. Not ever. Cause my heart to be steadfast for you. Focus my eyes on the giver not on the gift. I surrender my flesh, change it to a heart that can see what’s more important. Only by Your Spirit Lord, I can be restored. Thank You for loving me. Make me dwell in Your love.

Your Princess

Back!!! Broken but thankful

How does Hannah feel when she has to give back her son to God?
Painful, yet thankful.
God honors her desire, now its time for her to honor her God.

I have to offer my 'Samuel' again.
She's gone. But I have to let go ,let God and move on.
But the friendship remains.
Need to learn again surrender.

It's all about about Him.
Life is more meaningful in goodbyes
everything changes, but one thing remains.
By His grace, I am love and capable of loving.


amen...

On the Go and Overwhelmed

Natulog ako ng 4am kanina, woke up at 9am, iniisip paano ko matatapos ang progress report ng CICF na dapat ipasa sa OSA. Pagkagising ko, sakto,tensionado dito sa bahay sapagkat kailangan ng aking ina ang magpadala na ng pera ang aking Ama. At kapag usapang pera, umiinit na ang mga ulo ng aking mga magulang. Hindi pa rin ako tapos sa aking gawain,ngunit kailangan kong mamagitan sa aking mga magulang kahit na sa telepono lang sila nag-uusap. Nananalangin ako na hindi sila magkataasan ng boses sa pag-uusap. Muli, kumain ito ng panahon na dapat ay ginagamit ko sa pag aayos ng problema ko sa pagpasa ng mga requirements.
Pabalik-balik ako sa mga ginagawa ko, hanggang sa nakagayak na ako upang umalis, ay naiwan ko sa pinakaimportanteng bagay na dapat ay madala ko sa paaralan.Ang USB.Mula sa kanto ay naglakad muli ako pauwi sa amin upang kunin ang naiwang importanteng bagay. Mabuti na lang ay nakasakay ako kaagad.
Hindi ko alam kung bakit sobrang trapik nung malapit na kami sa Quiapo. Umalis ako ng 12:45 sa bahay, Nakarating ako ng Taft ng 3pm.nakatulog na ako at lahat sa bus,hindi pa rin umuusad.
Nang makarating ako ng SM manila upang magpadevelop ng mga litrato mula sa Digicam, aba'y nasira ang budget ko. Buti na lamang at may pera pa akong extra. Buhat buhat ang mga sandamak-mak kong kagamitan para sa Progress Report ay naglakad ako upang sumakay ng Jeep papunta ng paaralan. Pag dating ko,mabuti na lang at nasa CICF office sina Always at iniwan ko muna ang aking bag at ibang gamit, at sinabihan ko silang simulan na ang pag-aayos ng gamit.Pagkatapos,Ibinigay ko ang mga posters, pinatatakan at ipinakita kay Ptr. Gemma. natuwa sya sa aking ginawa.Yun ay nasa ikatlong palapag ng PCU...Haay..nakakapagod.Pagkatapos, ay naghanap pa ako ng maayos na Xerox Copier upang ipaxerox ang files na ginawa namin.nagmamadali akong lumabas ng PCU at nagmamadali din ihinatid ang mga files na pipirmahan ni Tita Diade. Nang bumalik ako sa CICF Office, inaayos na muli namin ang mga records. Mga ilang sandali, Pinatawag na naman kami sa Chaplain's office upang pagusapan ang gagawin sa lunes. At pag baba ko, ay may meeting na naman akong pinuntahan sa USG at COP. Buti na lamang at patapos na rin kami sa report namin, at naipasa namin sa OSA (Office of the Student Affairs) ang report. At nagsimula din kami sa aming Accountability Group with Mommy Eden. Napagdesisyunan na gawin ito sa Mcdo. Ang official tambayan rin namin.
Walang kamatayang Hopes and Dreams ni Mommy Eden ang pambungad na sharing. Pagkatapos, nagsharing din kami sa Leadership Principles ni Jesus. Pagkatapos, pinasulat nya kami ng Commitment Letter for Jesus...Ayun na...nagsimula na ang aming Worship in Tears. Kasi naman ang Lord, WALANG KAKUPAS-KUPAS ANG SALITA NYA,KATOTOHAN AT KAGANDAHAN NYA...Haay,Kahit mahirap, andyan parin Siya... Kaya ayun, Nakita muli namin ang aming kalagayan sa harapan ng Diyos at kung gaano Siya kabuti sa amin.Halo halo na ang ibig sabihin ng aming mga luha...Kagalakan, Kapaguran at pagpapasalamat sa Kanyang kadakilaan. Naishare ko din bago kami umuwi na, "Please pray for me, I'm in the process of Healing.." at muli ay naiyak na naman ako...Pambihira, sa Mcdo, ang dami ko nang moments na umiiyak dun!!!
Ang galing ng Panginoon gumawa ng kwento sa isang ordinaryong araw. Akala ko, matagal na naman bago ko maranasan yun...
At sobrang saya ko na hindi ako Ate sa grupong iyon. Na makikinig lang ako, magbabahagi, pero hindi ate...hehehe...Dream came true.
At muli, kwentuhan kami ni Mommy Eden pag uwi...medyo natagalan ako nakaabang ng Jeep, nung pagsakay ko, feeling ko, mabait si Manong Driver.Kaya pinagpray ko siya, "Lord, pagbaba ko, paki puno po itong jeep. Mabait kasi si Manong at naghahanap buhay..." kaya nung pagbaba ko sa Tandang Sora, sunod-sunod ang mga pasaherong sumakay, at mukhang napuno nga ang jeep. Hehehe...ang Galing ng Panginoon! simpleng panalangin e sinasagot Nya. Bawing bawi ang kangaragan ko ngayong araw...at may mga bonus pa na hindi mababayaran.
Sana makapag exam na ako next week.wala lang ako pambayad ng completion form kaya di ako makapag exam...Help me Lord ulit dito...
Basta...Ang GALING GALING GALING NG PANGINOON!!! WAAAHHH!!!

Answered Prayers

I really thank God for answered prayers. He still says YES eventhough I feel I didn't prayed much. Thank You for temporary space for the fellowship although the place is not ours yet, but I'm so thankful for people who cares and knows the importance of having a space for the fellowship.

Also, I have read my 5 journals for the last 5 years of journaling. I have seen how God molded my character and how He answers prayer.There were people who I prayed for but I no longer remember them.hehehe...Maybe they were my former students in sunday school or people who walked out of my life without saying good bye. That's why I think I forgot them, or its just me who have memory gap. Also there are accounts in my journal that made me laugh, it was the crazy lorah who wrote crazy things for the Lord.I hope the Lord would not mind my craziness...hehehehe...

Thank you Lord.Thank you for Your faithfulness and for answering prayers in Your time, in Your Way. Please May I experience more of You.